Restraint

The journey through life as a Christian is one that is filled with near occasions (ie. triggers), which are people, places, things, or situations that strongly tempt someone to act in a certain way. While these near occasions may not hurt our relationship with God, others, or ourselves directly, they create the high likelihood of acting in a way that directly hurts those relationships. 

Identify what habits hurt your relationship with God, others, or yourself, and then identify what triggers your desire to indulge those habits. These triggers are often linked to feeling:

• Bored, Lonely, Angry, Hungry, Stressed, or Tired

• Unhappy with adversity (ie. something doesn't happen in your favor)

• Unworthy of prosperity (ie. something happens in your favor)

When you know your near occasions, start a habit of avoiding them by setting boundaries for when or if you spend time with the people, places, things, or situations that are near occasions to your habit.

Identify a habit that is hurting your relationship with God, others, or yourself. Then follow this process until the desire for the habit is gone, which typically takes 20-30 minutes. Repeat this process 2-3 times every day to practice restraint:

1. Recognize what triggers your desire for the habit by imagining that trigger or intentionally encountering it "in real life". Think of this trigger as a "near occasion" that leads to your habit.

2. Resist the habit with slow, deep breathing to calm your nervous system while reflecting on these questions:

   • • What do you feel when you encounter the trigger? Use this wheel of emotions as a guide.

     • What are you thinking as a result of what you feel?

     • What have you done as a response previously, and how did that response hurt your relationship with God, others, or yourself?

     • How could you respond differently that would help your relationship with God, others, or yourself?

3. Replace the lie of the habit with the truth of its impact. (e.g. Instead of providing comfort, it hurt your relationship with God, others, or yourself.) You can also consider replacing the habit with other activities that increase the level of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins (happiness chemicals) in your body without hurting your relationships. These activities include exercising, praying/meditating, and talking with others.

4. Relate the experience with someone you trust and/or in a journal.

When you are triggered to exercise a habit that hurts your relationship with God, others, or yourself, replace it with a habit that helps those relationships. The temptation usually lasts about 20-30 minutes, and some examples of helpful habits to exercise during this time are:

• Breathing deeply/slowly in through the nose and out through the mouth.

• Saying some prayers.

• Going for a walk.

• Doing bodyweight exercises. (e.g. pushups, crunches, squats, etc.)