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Restraint

 

Restraint is a virtue of the cardinal virtue of Temperance, and growing in the virtue of restraint is about breaking a habit. But how do you decide what habits are worth breaking? In a word, relationship. More specifically, the quality of your relationship with God, others, and yourself determines whether you experience true happiness based on habits that help those relationships or false happiness based on habits that hurt those relationships. Here are some examples of better habits you can exercise every day to grow in the virtue of restraint:​​​

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Avoid Near Occasions

Identify what habits hurt your relationship with God, others, or yourself, and then identify what triggers your desire to indulge those habits. These triggers are often linked to feeling bored, lonely, angry, hungry, stressed, or tired. The triggers are also linked to feeling unhappy with adversity or unworthy of prosperity. Here are strategies for avoiding these near occasions:

• Meditate on events from Scripture, such as:

  • The Five Holy Wounds of Jesus

    • The hands and feet wounds from the nails (Luke 24:39-40)

    • The side wound from the lance (John 19:34)

  • The Seven Sorrows of Mary

    1. The Prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2:34-35)​

    2. The Flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-21)

    3. The Loss of Jesus for 3 Days (Luke 2:41-50)

    4. Mary Meets Jesus on the Way to Calvary (John 19:25)

    5. The Crucifixion and Death of Jesus (John 19:18-30)

    6. Jesus Taken Down from the Cross (John 19:39-40)

    7. Jesus Laid in the Tomb (John 19:41-42)

  • The Mysteries of the Rosary​

    • Joyful Mysteries - The Annunciation (Luke 1:28), The Visitation (Luke 1:41-42), The Birth of Jesus (Luke 2:7), The Presentation (Luke 2:22-23), The Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple (Luke 2:46)

    • Sorrowful Mysteries - The Agony in the Garden (Luke 22:44-45), The Scourging at the Pillar (John 19:1), The Crowning with Thorns (Matthew 27:28-29), The Carrying of the Cross (John 19:17), The Crucifixion (Luke 23:46)

    • Glorious Mysteries - The Resurrection (Mark 16:6), The Ascension (Mark 16:19), The Descent of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:4), The Assumption (Judith 15:9-10), The Coronation (Revelation 12:1)

    • Luminous Mysteries - The Baptism of Jesus (Matthew 3:16-17), The Wedding at Cana (John 2:5-7), The Proclamation of the Kingdom (Matthew 10:7-8), The Transfiguration (Luke 9:29,35), The Institution of the Eucharist (Luke 22:19-20)

• Reduce your exposure to the near occasions. (ie. Avoid or minimize encounters with the people, places, and things that trigger you.)

• Reframe your mindset to highlight the benefits of avoiding these near occasions.

• Increase the number of steps to get to hurtful habits.​

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Use a Battle Plan

A battle plan outlines specific coping strategies, support systems, and routines you will use to respond to near occasions and triggers that lead you to indulging your habit. Key components of an effective battle plan include:

• Identification of known triggers. Examples include being bored, lonely, angry, hungry, stressed, or tired (BLAHST).

• Coping strategies to use when triggered. Examples include prayer/meditation, deep breathing, and exercise.

• Support network to contact when triggered. Examples include family, friends, peer support group members, therapist, and a life coach.

• Emergency "escape plan" to use when overwhelmed. Examples include removing yourself or having someone remove you from the situation.

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Practice Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP)

Practicing Exposure & Response Prevention is a proactive method (ie. before temptation) to change a habit that is hurting your relationship with God, others, or yourself. Follow this process process 2-3 times every day:

 

1. Recognize what triggers your desire for the habit by imagining that trigger or intentionally encountering it "in real life". Think of this trigger as a "near occasion" that leads to your habit.

2. Resist the habit with slow, deep breathing to calm your nervous system while reflecting on these questions:

   • What do you feel when you encounter the trigger? Use this wheel of emotions as a guide.

   • What are you thinking as a result of what you feel?

   • What have you done as a response previously, and how did that response hurt your relationship with God, others, or yourself?

   • How could you respond differently that would help your relationship with God, others, or yourself?

3. Replace the lie of the habit with the truth of its impact. For example, instead of providing comfort, the habit hurt your relationship with God, others, or yourself. You can also replace the habit with other activities that increase the level of happiness chemicals (ie. dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins) in your body without hurting your relationships. These activities include deep breathing, praying/meditating, and walking/exercising.

4. Relate the experience with someone you trust and/or in a journal.